I don’t like rollercoasters. I don’t like the height. I don’t like the speed. I don’t like the sharp inclines and stomach lurching drops. I hate the way you can hear the mechanics clanking as the cars are pulled up the slope at the start of the ride. Even worse is the silence before the brakes are released.
In the very early days of stopping drinking I felt as if I was on the most extreme rollercoaster in the world, with huge inclines, near vertical drops and endless corkscrew turns.
I haven’t tried bungy jumping mainly because I can imagine how it would feel and it terrifies me. During the first weeks alcohol free I felt as if I had dragged myself to the top of a sheer cliff face, tied myself to a piece of elastic the length of which when fully extended, only just prevented me from hitting the ground at full force, and jumped.
Physically I felt sick, sweating and constantly light headed. My head, arms and legs ached. Emotionally I felt anxious, ashamed and guilty I had got myself into this position but relieved and even occasionally elated that I was doing something to change. The physical sensations I felt and what was going on in my head would change constantly.
As the days went by the extremes of the rollercoaster subsided a little. As if the rise and fall of the track was less extreme or perhaps I was becoming used to it. I felt more confident that my bungy elastic would not allow me to hit the ground and the initial violent ricocheting up and down, calmed.
I am still riding the rollercoaster and my bungy elastic continues to extend and contract. Sometimes the speed of the ride increases or my elastic twists in the wind and I am caught off guard.
The experience so far has been exhausting but exhilarating and with each day, the exhaustion subsides and the exhilaration grows.
I still don’t like rollercoasters and I can’t see that changing. As for bungy jumping ? Well you never know…