Space

Today I feel more positive than yesterday but still a bit…flat. I think I am a bored. It’s a bit like when you spend weeks revising for an exam or hours preparing for an interview and then all of a sudden it’s over.

I spent so long trying to stop drinking. In the final few weeks things had really escalated.  I could see myself losing everything. I have always been a worrier and I have a tendency to catastrophise. This time I knew my fears were justified. It was only a matter of time.

Getting sober and staying that way for 64 days (I wonder if I will ever stop counting) has been hard, really hard. I don’t think it will ever be easy but it is getting easier. So now rather than spending all my time thinking about whether I want a drink, why I do or don’t want a drink, how long it is since I last had a drink and what would happen if I had one now (and on and on and on), I have time for other things. But what things ?

I have been completely preoccupied with how wonderful my life would be if only I could stop drinking.  Now that I have finally achieved a decent period of sobriety I am feeling a sense of anti climax. Of course I feel better not to be drinking, much better but it’s not like I thought it would be.

Stopping drinking has left a lot of space in my life. It is definitely space rather than a gap or hole. It is a positive thing. I don’t need to cram it full but I do need to put that space to good use.

6 thoughts on “Space

  1. I don’t know if you are a member of the secret Facebook group BFB (booze free brigade) but somebody just posted this today! They asked what people are doing now that they are not drinking! Some knit, some exercise, some take a college class, some write….you will just have to find what works for you. I haven’t done anything new. I am on Day 116. I am just working on a new norm. I may or may not add something later. The benefits I’m getting from not drinking are tremendous. Better sleep, no more self loathing, learning to deal with my emotions, better everything!!! Do you have to find something to do? Isn’t quitting enough for now? What about writing? You seem to have a gift for writing!!! xo

    1. Perhaps you are right. Why do I need to do anything ? I have started spinning classes which I would never ever have done before so thinking about it that’s something. And this blog is something new too. Thanks for making me feel more positive.

      116 days is awesome. Congratulations x

  2. I feel that way too…sort of like “okay, now what?” I’m going on my vacation, tuning out (without wine!) and then when I get back I will start moving forward!

  3. Yep. I had that escalation too and do feel flat some days. We should all get some party and be magically the weight we want to be at when we stop drinking! But it doesn’t work that way. Your body and mind are much better than they were even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

    1. I know exactly what you mean about the weight thing. I thought I would be stick thin if I stopped drinking !! X

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