At almost 45, I am the oldest member of my team at work. Several of my colleagues are in their twenties.
Today they were talking about an evening out they are going on next Friday – I remember the days when I would be planning what I was going to wear days before a night out and the anticipation would grow as the week went on. When I was drinking I avoided socialising because I was worried I would get really drunk and embarrass myself. If I went out and didn’t drink that would be a waste of time wouldn’t it ? My solution was to drink at home. That way I could drink as much as I wanted and gently pass out in private.
Since I stopped drinking, I haven’t been out at all. Quite simply I am scared. I feel safe at home where there is no alcohol. I am not sure whether I would be able to cope with being somewhere like a pub or restaurant surrounded by people drinking. A party would be even worse. I don’t think I would be tempted to drink exactly but the low level anxiety I experience a lot of the time would rocket. I would not be in control and as I have no doubt written here before, I need to be in control.
But back to my colleagues discussing their evening out. They were talking about their experiences of drinking and were sharing horror stories about unexplained injuries, blackouts and horrendous hangovers. Especially disturbing was one woman’s account of how her drinks had been spiked and she had ended up in hospital. And they were planning what they are going to drink next time and how much fun it will be.
I felt really old and boring but you know what, today that’s just fine.