When I stopped drinking I expected to feel better. Much better. For years I had been using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety and depression and as a one size fits all coping tool. As time went on my drinking had become a problem in its own right. I had got myself into a bit of a pickle.
I imagined that stopping drinking would change everything. I would immediately feel calmer, more in control, motivated and put simply, I would be happy. I would look better with sparkly eyes, glowing skin and would lose a good stone or so simply by cutting out the wine.
Quite early on in my sober journey, I recognised that although there were some improvements which would happen almost immediately, others would take more time. This seemed reasonable – after all I had been drinking for a long time. It wasnt realistic to expect all that to be undone overnight and for everything to click into place as if I had never had a drink in the first place.
I had got it into my head that by 100 days I would really be feeling the full benefit of being sober. Several of the sober blogs I read say that weight loss can take a while so I figured that by 100 days it was reasonable to expect that the scales would be moving in the right direction and for my life generally to be coming together.
I will hit 100 days in 15 days time and I am still waiting. I am starting to panic about what I am going to do if on Day 100 I wake up and I still feel like this. Although I know it is very shallow I have become quite fixated on the scales. I can see a clear similarity in the way I am eating now, to how I was with alcohol before. I don’t want that to happen.
As the clock ticks on towards 100 days I wish I could just press pause. I need some more time to gather myself for what is to come and to plan my sober future. I didn’t think it would be like this.