Is this as good as it gets ?

When I stopped drinking I expected to feel better. Much better. For years I had been using alcohol to self medicate my anxiety and depression and as a one size fits all coping tool. As time went on my drinking had become a problem in its own right. I had got myself into a bit of a pickle.

I imagined that stopping drinking would change everything. I would immediately feel calmer, more in control, motivated and put simply, I would be happy. I would  look better with sparkly eyes, glowing skin and would lose a good stone or so simply by cutting out the wine.

Quite early on in my sober journey, I recognised that although there were some improvements which would happen almost immediately, others would take more time. This seemed reasonable – after all I had been drinking for a long time. It wasnt realistic to expect all that to be undone overnight and for everything to click into place as if I had never had a drink in the first place.

I had got it into my head that by 100 days I would really be feeling the full benefit of being sober. Several of the sober blogs I read say that weight loss can take a while so I figured that by 100 days it was reasonable to expect that the scales would be moving in the right direction and for my life generally to be coming together.

I will hit 100 days in 15 days time and I am still waiting. I am starting to panic about what I am going to do if on Day 100 I wake up and I still feel like this. Although I know it is very shallow I have become quite fixated on the scales. I can see a clear similarity in the way I am eating now, to how I was with alcohol before. I don’t want that to happen.

As the clock ticks on towards 100 days I wish I could just press pause. I need some more time to gather myself for what is to come and to plan my sober future.  I didn’t think it would be like this.

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Is this as good as it gets ?

  1. I think the 100 days can be a great goal, but the changes for many are small and cumulative. I found the big celebration days were sometimes a big letdown, for just the reasons you describe. I also think it’s good to focus on small pleasures and goals and not get too caught in worrying about food and weight so on. Those things are easier to sort out once you’re settled into being sober, and that just takes some time. Sending you good wishes, and congrats on doing so well so far! xo

  2. I agree with Thirsty, that the changes I saw were small.
    But good ones.
    I didn’t get good skin, or lose a bunch of weight.
    The real measure of success for me was, staying sober a day at a time.
    Look for little things and I bet you will be surprised by them!
    xo
    Wendy

  3. It is slow, and I haven’t had some massive revelation as I crossed the 100 day mark (and I haven’t lost ANY weight) but, when I look back, I can see how far I have come. Hang on in there, going back is not an option, so we have to keep going .
    Lily xxx

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