Like Mother Like Daughter ?

Last night my almost 15 year old daughter went to a sleepover. The place where they were supposed to be staying was cramped and there wasn’t anywhere to sleep. So, at just after midnight my daughter and her friend called a taxi and went to the friend’s house and stayed there. She sent me a text saying she was safe at about 1.00am but I had my phone on silent.  She also said that her friend’s Mum had been in the taxi. She didn’t call the house. The first I knew was at 5.20am when I woke and checked my phone.

Then I saw some Instagram messages pinging up on my other daughter’s phone and it pretty quickly became clear that there had been drinking at the party and some of the girls had been up all night being sick.

I called my daughter and asked her whether there had been alcohol – she said yes. Had she had anything to drink? She said no. I felt relieved she sounded OK and she was safe.

When I picked her up I asked her some more questions. It turned out that her friend’s Mum hadn’t been in the taxi. “I didn’t want to worry you” she said. I explained that anything could have happened and I would not have had any idea where she was. How could I explain to the police that I thought my daughter was at a sleepover when actually she was in a taxi somewhere across the city ? What would have happened if she had been raped or murdered ? I think she got the point. I was so calm and so measured – I think she understood.

I repeated the questions about drinking. What had they been drinking ? Vodka. Had she had any? A bit. How much ? A shot glass with 90% orange juice and 10% vodka. I thanked her for being honest. “I thought you’d be cross” she said. She acknowledged I did not seem cross. Just concerned but relieved.

I keep thinking of all the what ifs, of all the things which could have happened but fortunately didn’t. Most of all though I am finding it hard to handle the thought of her drinking. For most people drinking is fine. It’s normal for teenagers to experiment.

I remember the first time I got drunk when I was about fifteen. Even then I didn’t have a very normal relationship with alcohol. Its always been a bit of a thing for me. What if my daughter ends up like me ?

I really don’t want that for her.

x

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “Like Mother Like Daughter ?

  1. I share the fear for when my son starts high school in another year. Great job on addressing the issue with your daughter, opening the door for her to talk to you about drinking. Tough stuff.

  2. Tori,
    You handled this really well.
    I have no children, but it would be very scary to think of all the problems that can happen with teenagers.
    I think that the more you can talk calmly with and educate your daughter the better off she’ll be.
    The worse thing parents do, I think, is not talk to their children about the hard topics.
    You are also a role model for her now!
    xo
    Wendy

    1. Thank you so much. The relief of readingwhat you have said has made me cry. I was so worried especially when no one commented because I was thinking everyone must think I had messed up and there is no hope for my daughter. Thank you so, so much. It’s scary how fragile I feel and how much I still need approval from others. Xx

  3. Tori, I’m sorry I didn’t see this till today. By getting sober you have given your daughters a great role model. You have shown, lived sobriety and modeled to them a loving supportive partnership and an adult recognizing that things need to change and doing it. It will be ok, keep talking to the, You are a GREAT mum Lily xx

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