I am 131 days sober today. In the last 2 weeks I feel as if I have settled more into sobriety. Friday nights and weekends no longer seem somehow wrong without copious amounts of Sauvignon Blanc. Clearheaded mornings after a good night’s sleep are the norm. I have a routine. Its steady and regular but I need something more.
Drinking gave me a lot to think about even if most of the time what I was thinking about was how not to think – does that make sense ? Now I haven’t got to think about drinking or not drinking I need something else to occupy my brain. I need something to stretch me.
At work I have taken on a new project to do with mental health which has given me something to focus on. I am completely open about my own mental health issues and they are great. It is very energising being able to be open and if I am struggling to be able to say. Although some of my colleagues know I have stopped drinking, no one knows it was a problem. I would be OK with telling work but I’m not sure how work would react and I don’t want to go there – not yet anyway.
They are recruiting for the role above mine. In the past I haven’t been able to face it and drinking had taken away every scrap of self-confidence. I am in two minds about whether to apply this time. I don’t think I stand much chance as there are lots of people applying and only a couple of roles but part of me thinks it would be good for me to go through the process. On the other hand I wonder if I should just stay in my current role and look for something else to give me the stretch I am craving. I really don’t know but I need to make a decision.
I feel as if I need to do something to help other people and in a way to keep myself in focus. I need something to get me thinking and to get my brain working. I want to interact with people in an honestly and openly. I suppose I want a real life version of the online sober community.
I have arranged to go for an introductory session about volunteering for a charity working in mental health. I have thought about being a peer mentor at the drugs and alcohol service but I’m not sure about that yet. I have so much energy and so much to give. I just need to find the right fit.