Today is Day 140. Mr So and I went on a bike ride. I had planned this well in advance. I chose an 11 mile route, booked the bikes and sorted a picnic lunch. I think Mr So was a bit sceptical about the likelihood of me cycling 22 miles but he didn’t actually question my plan – he just went along with it.
The last time I went cycling was on the last day of my holiday at Easter. It was my Day 1. I had called the drugs and alcohol service from our holiday cottage and asked for help. I had been booked for a telephone assessment the following day, as soon as I was back home. I was hungover. I had a burst blood vessel in one of my eyes. I was anxious and depressed and completely overwhelmed.
The cycling was a disaster. I didn’t have any strength as it was, even without the hangover. There was a bit of an awkward atmosphere because Mr So had told the family we were staying with that I had decided to get help to stop drinking. They had very similar drinking habits and tried to persuade me I was making a mountain out of a molehill and should just chill out. I think it was all a bit too close for comfort for them.
The weather was awful and the terrain was rough and very hilly. At the first incline I got off and started walking. Mr So kept telling me to use my gears. I said something along the lines of “Don’t xxxxing tell me to use the xxxxing gears”. I just wanted to go home.
But today was different, so different. I really enjoyed the ride. I have been going to spinning classes for about 3 months and I am much fitter than before. I didn’t realise how much fitter until today. I found the feeling of my feet pushing the pedals really exhilarating and because I used my gears I was able to make it up inclines – sorry Mr So you were right !
Today felt so good. The best sober day so far.