A Dilemma


Last week my parents celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. They didn’t want any “fuss” and went away for the weekend – just the two of them. In a few weeks they are going away with my aunt and her husband.

My parents are in their early seventies. They are fit and well and they lead a very active lifestyle. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Much like the rest of my family, they drink. Quite a lot. It doesn’t really cause problems although my Mum can be a bit opinionated after a few glasses of wine.

My parents know  I have stopped drinking. I think they know it was a bit of a problem for me (huge understatement) but I am not sure. They are supportive but I still sense that they think I am overreacting by stopping completely – surely I could just cut down ?

Anyway, today I asked my Mum what they would like for their anniversary and without hesitation she replied “wine – Sauvignon Blanc”. So now I have to buy them some wine and get it delivered (we live some distance away). In my heart I don’t want to but at the same time I don’t want to be all prim and self righteous. Just because I have chosen not to drink, because in reality I can’t drink, why should I impose sobriety on anyone else ? It’s a hard one. I don’t have a moral objection to other people drinking but I don’t think it would do my parents any harm to drink a bit less. In fact I think it would make them feel better. Perhaps it’s because they are my parents and I feel I should be taking care of them ?

Perhaps I am jealous because I would really like to be able to enjoy a glass of Sauvignon Blanc ?

I’m not sure what to do. I think I will just send the wine and next time just choose something myself without asking what they want.

Tori X

7 thoughts on “A Dilemma

  1. Very tricky– I think your statement at the end of the post proves you’ve already learned something from this situation. Your parents are so fortunate to enjoy travel and good health. Perhaps a gift certificate for the wine vendor, so you don’t have to endure the purchasing process yourself? Or a small gift of wine, along with a “self-care” themed gift? It would show that you’re happy they are healthy and you want to keep them that way!

  2. I too have had to go to the liquor store and buy wine for guests. The first time I did it, I actually cried in the liquor store! And, that was at 5 months sober! Now that I have made my “Sober entrance” to the liquor store, I have been in a few times since and am absolutely fine! It is not a trigger for me!
    I do like that next time you will pick out your own gift! Maybe your husband can be the one to buy/send it for you? xo

    1. Thank you. I am almost at 5 months now and I don’t think I would like to go into a liquor store yet. I don’t think it would be a trigger as such but just a reminder of what I have “lost. In reality I know my sobriety is not a loss but I suppose I do have regrets that I got myself into such a mess simply because I can’t drink like a normal person. X

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