Today is Day 4 of my healthy eating plan. It has been hard. I had a really busy day at work and I really felt I needed a treat. Someone had brought in biscuits from their holiday and I so wanted to eat one. Well, two or three if I could. But I didn’t. I managed to distract myself and to think about how disappointed I would feel if I succumbed.
On the drive home from work a thought of buying some crusty bread and eating it all popped into my head. As soon as I had resolved not to make an impromptu visit to the supermarket a thought of buying a bottle of wine pinged into my consciousness. I could it and another to keep it company and I could go home and drink them. I didn’t go to the supermarket. I didn’t buy the wine or the bread or anything else. I went home and I stayed busy. I cooked supper and stuck to my plan but it was so hard. I really wanted some bread or cake and some wine. If someone had offered me a glass I really don’t know what I would have done.
Feeling this way is scary. All the same feelings I had about alcohol are now manifesting themselves in respect of food. Day 4 of eating healthily (and I really am not doing anything extreme) felt as hard as I remember Day 4 of not drinking. I don’t want to feel this way. In a way addressing my addiction to alcohol is more straightforward because I don’t need to drink to survive (although sometimes it felt that way). But I have to eat. I could just do without the complication of food right now.