In The Zone…and out again

Last  weekend I felt as if I might finally be “in the zone”. It was during a spinning class when we were doing a sprint. I was focussed on a point in front of me. I had worked through the burning sensation in my legs and I was was almost out of my body. I know that sounds odd but that’s the best way I can explain it. It was a good feeling.

My weight is continuing to drop steadily. I have lost about 7lbs. I felt settled in my sobriety. This is it, I thought. I am coming out the other side, out of the darkness and into the sunshine.

But then I fell out of the zone. I got through the sift at work for a role I have applied for. I didn’t expect to get through and now I have to go through an assessment which includes an interview, written exercise and role play. Of course I am pleased but it has thrown me. I am unsettled again.

Yesterday my builders were doing some work and they managed to do something so there was no hot water. I got really agitated. I wanted a glass of wine. I wanted to shut out the chatter in my head. I didn’t drink . I slept really badly and this morning I considered taking a diazepam to calm myself down. I didn’t take any.

I am at work but I am distracted. I think I might take a half day and go home.

I have had a tantalising glimpse of what my sober life could be like. Hopefully it will come again and last longer. X

10 thoughts on “In The Zone…and out again

  1. It happens to me too, but I keep trying and trying, never give up. Wishing you the best. How good you must be feeling by losing weight and having the energy to exercise. Good luck

  2. I still have to keep things simple in my life. Too many things going at once and I get really aggitated. Im pleased you took some time off. sometimes thats all we need to calm down. x

  3. Hi Tori!
    I too am glad you took care of yourself by taking the half day off!
    It’s funny that sometimes the thing we want, such as a job change, can be unsettling.
    I find that life is still stressful, but less so than when I added the drinking to the mix. I too find times of pure bliss, and then down times.

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