Last weekend I felt as if I might finally be “in the zone”. It was during a spinning class when we were doing a sprint. I was focussed on a point in front of me. I had worked through the burning sensation in my legs and I was was almost out of my body. I know that sounds odd but that’s the best way I can explain it. It was a good feeling.
My weight is continuing to drop steadily. I have lost about 7lbs. I felt settled in my sobriety. This is it, I thought. I am coming out the other side, out of the darkness and into the sunshine.
But then I fell out of the zone. I got through the sift at work for a role I have applied for. I didn’t expect to get through and now I have to go through an assessment which includes an interview, written exercise and role play. Of course I am pleased but it has thrown me. I am unsettled again.
Yesterday my builders were doing some work and they managed to do something so there was no hot water. I got really agitated. I wanted a glass of wine. I wanted to shut out the chatter in my head. I didn’t drink . I slept really badly and this morning I considered taking a diazepam to calm myself down. I didn’t take any.
I am at work but I am distracted. I think I might take a half day and go home.
I have had a tantalising glimpse of what my sober life could be like. Hopefully it will come again and last longer. X