In a Tizz

I have got a interview for a promotion later this week. Well not just an interview – verbal and numerical reasoning tests, a role play, a written exercise and an interview. There are internal and external candidates and not that many jobs. This is the first time I have applied for a promotion since I started my current job just over 2 years ago. Quite quickly after starting I had a breakdown – probably triggered by the death of Mr So’s Mum a year before which I found very hard to cope with. That together with a new job when I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing, pushed me over the edge. It was then that my drinking really escalated.

But now I am so much better. I wanted to apply to prove to myself how much stronger I am and also to show work that I’m ok – not the sobbing, shouty, unbalanced, unpredictable wreck I presented as.

I have been trying to prepare all weekend but I have found it so hard to apply myself. My mind is blank. What am I going to do if they ask me a question and I can’t think of anything to say ? Or perhaps worse, I say something really stupid.

I have seriously considered pulling out of the process in the name of self care but I think I really need to go through the process and prove to myself I can get through an interview even if it is a disaster. I don’t realistically have a chance of getting a job but if I could hit the pass score it would be good.

I was able to choose the interview date so I chose Thursday because it  will be Day 183 Р6 months. Whatever the outcome of the interview 6 months will be a significant achievement.

This evening I am in a bit of a state. I feel lightheaded and nauseous and I have a headache. It is really a bit over the top. I need to try and chill out more but it’s hard. 6 months ago I would have got through this by consuming copious amounts of wine. At least I’m not doing that anymore.


13 thoughts on “In a Tizz

  1. All the very best for your interview. I also have an interview this week and will have to try my best not to drink the night before it. At the minute I’m drinking most nights until I black out/fall asleep. Getting myself up to go to work everyday is a real nightmare as I’m exhausted. Tonight is the first night I haven’t drunk in over 2 weeks and the craving was unbelievable. I nearly caved in but when it got past a certain time I knew I’d made it.

    Your story is an inspiration to me and you should be very proud of yourself. Stay strong about the interview- when it’s over you’ll be so elated you’ll probably wonder what all the anxiety was about!;-)

    1. Thank you Julie. Not drinking tonight is a fantastic achievement. I have been where you are and it takes huge strength to resist those cravings but you’ve done it. Try and take it literally minute by minute if you need to. Don’t think too far ahead. Let me know how you get on – I am here for you.

      Good luck with your interview too. Tori xxx

      1. Thank you, Tori- will do!! I managed 5 days a couple of months ago and that was only after reading Jason Vale’s book. I caught pneumonia back in March (which may or may not have been a result of alcohol weakening my immune system) and at that stage didn’t drink for 10 days as I was so unwell. To my shame, I drank the day after I got out of hospital and had just started a new course of antibiotics as the infection hadn’t cleared.

        Thanks so much for the encouragement. Your story sounds very similar to my own and I think that’s why I was drawn to it. I work in a fairly stressful office environment and drink is something I crave in the evenings to forget about my day. In the middle of the night and the following morning I hate what I’ve done, but yet I repeat the cycle over and over. Your advice to take one day at a time makes sense and I’ll try not to put too much pressure on myself.

        I’m looking forward to seeing your post following your interview. No matter what happens, you’ll know you did your best so hold your head up high. You have achieved so much already. Xxx

  2. Ooh, I’ll have my fingers crossed for you tomorrow. I had the worst interview ever about 4 years ago. An absolute car wreck of trembling and a blank mind so I thought my interview mojo was gone forever but it wasn’t. I had my first face to face interview since then a month ago and I was calm, focused and articulate.

    You know you can do this, take your time, smile and show them the awesome woman you are. Easy.

    1. Thank you. It’s not until Thursday- heaven knows what I’ll be like by then!! I don’t think of myself as awesome but perhaps I should ! I’m going to use that as my mantra. Xxx

  3. Tori,
    You will come out a winner, no matter what the outcome!
    First because you are facing a fear and doing it anyway,
    Second because you are sober!
    Interviews are hard for most people!

  4. Good luck for tomorrow Tori. You are a winner no matter what. Most people would have hid behind a bottle., but you are living it for real and that makes you truly awesome. x

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