Just a quick post because I need to get some rest. Tomorrow is my interview. I have done as much preparation as I can .
In real life there are only a very few people who know that I have a problem with alcohol and one who knows almost the full details – not even Mr So. This interview is a big deal for me because I know how far I have come and how bloody hard it’s been and will be in the future.
There is no doubt that I am more well than I have been for a very long time. I’ve got some of my sparkle back – I think I’m more “me” than I’ve ever been – if that makes sense. Most people think I’ve got over an episode of depression – they only know a fraction of what was happening with me – depression – yes, anxiety – yes but a lot more besides.
I know that this time last year I was heading fast towards my rock bottom. I had stopped my medication cold turkey and was suffering really horrendous withdrawals. I had fallen out with my psychiatrist and my counsellor and I was drinking A LOT. Only I know the whole truth.
People who think I am too wound up about this interview don’t know any of that and I can’t explain. It honestly doesn’t matter to me whether I get the job – of course I would be delighted but it’s not the be all and end all. What matters is that I have found the confidence to apply and I have got this far. Tomorrow I am going to walk into a room and try and answer whatever questions they throw at me. But all the time I am going to remember how far I’ve come and how strong I can be and I am going to muster up some self respect and try and feel proud of who I am.
Thank you all for your kind words and good wishes. I will hold those close tomorrow. Xx