Thank you to everyone who posted such lovely messages of support. I feel truly humbled by the kindness of people who have never met me but in spite of that are there for me 100%. I was struggling so much.
I have decided I need more help in “real life”. A while ago I was discharged from the drugs and alcohol service but I have arranged to have another meeting with my alcohol counsellor. That will be on Wednesday.
I really feel that I need to connect with other people like me. I know it sounds snobby and judgemental but I need to make contact with other professionals, high functioning people who have all the things I have (family, job, home etc) but who in spite of all that, or perhaps because of all that, struggle with alcohol. I do not feel comfortable with the idea of AA although I know that many, many people have found it to be literally life saving. I have looked at SMART Recovery but the times and locations of their meetings are not very convenient. So on Thursday, I am going to a social group for people with alcohol issues.
I don’t know why but I hadn’t said anything to Mr So about feeling I need more support so when I found the group I sent him a text asking if he would be OK to look after our girls so that I can go. He came back straight away telling me to go for it. I don’t know why, but I felt embarrassed to ask him. It felt just the same as when six months ago, I blurted out of the blue (well to him anyway, it had been going round in my head for a long time) that I was going to refer myself to the drugs and alcohol service. I need to work on that. Mr So must know by now that I have a serious alcohol issue. For me though it’s still the elephant in the room.
So that is my week planned out. I have a plan. I like plans !!