Cut some slack

The group on Thursday evening went well. Really lovely people who made me feel very welcome. All at different stages in their recovery and with a huge range of experience and different perspectives to share. If I hadn’t had my recent wobble I probably wouldn’t have looked for a group so perhaps it was a blessing in disguise after all.

So I am looking forward to going again this week. But I still feel guilty and quite frankly a touch selfish. I wrote before about how I felt anxious about asking Mr So if he would mind if I went to the group. And of course, being the wonderful man he is, he was all for it. Is all for it. Now I am worried because I will be out every Thursday evening and also because there is a small fee for the group. Mr So isn’t phased by that so why am I making it such a big thing in my head ?

I still feel guilty that I got myself into such a mess with alcohol and that I took so long to do anything about it. There is a voice in my head which says if I had been stronger I wouldn’t need to go out leaving Mr So to sort out all the evening stuff with our girls.

I feel similarly about the support I have needed for my mental health issues. I seem to have stumbled from one crisis to the next since I developed postnatal depression 15 years ago. Over that time I have spent a considerable amount on therapy and I have caused all kinds of difficulties with not being able to cope with things which most people would take in their stride. I undermined the effect of the therapy and medication by pouring wind down my throat. I dread to think how much I spent on alcohol over the years. I did work it out at about £40 per week in the year or so before I finally stopped drinking Рhuge blush.

I am rambling, but what it comes down to is that I feel bad. And I feel bad about feeling bad. Literally going round in circles. Why do I do this to myself ? I need to cut myself some slack.

3 thoughts on “Cut some slack

  1. Yes, you do. It’s the alcohol causing the guilty feelings. If you feel guilty, you won’t go to group, etc. I’m so happy the meeting went well, and hooray for Mr. So! xx

    1. Thank you Lori. I hadn’t thought of it like that – you are right it is the alcohol – or my addiction – speaking in my head. I forget that even though I am not drinking it doesn’t mean that the addiction is gone. Xxx

  2. Hi Tori,
    You deserve to be happy and healthy, and you deserve to find support to help you with that!
    I am glad you like the group!
    I have found some really nice people in my recovery groups!
    xo
    Wendy

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