Miserable

I feel miserable today:

  • My children treat me like a skivvy and its my fault because I have mollycoddled them for years
  • No one even says I look nice – I make an effort. I have had my hair cut and coloured. I am wearing new boots but no one has noticed or if they have, they think I look horrible.
  • I cannot shift this bug.
  • My eating is crap and I can’t control it. I wish it was an option to treat it the same way as alcohol and just stop eating but that not an option.
  • I have started skin picking again – this has always been something I have done since I was a child. It’s gross. It’s not visible so it’s not the reason why people don’t think I look nice. But it makes me feel horrible and ashamed.

I can feel my mood plummeting and it’s overwhelming. Why is all this happening now ? Why is there no stability?

13 thoughts on “Miserable

  1. Lori –
    I’m sorry you are feeling so awful. You sound completely overwhelmed. Are you speaking with anyone in real life about this?
    Kids all take us for granted – its not your fault.

    Have you seen your doctor about your moods?
    Sending hugs x Claire

  2. Tori
    I may end up leaving two comments as have just posted but it seems to have disappeared.

    You sound completely overwhelmed. Are you reaching out to anyone in real life?
    Have you had an unstable/ low mood in the past?
    Maybe you could see your Doctor or therapist?

    From personal experience I definitely experience varied moods, and need this to be controlled using medication. If I am ill, or feeling low everything else seems to slip. For me, exercise is a wonderful leveller.

    Keep posting….
    Sending hug xx Claire

    1. Thank you Claire. I have my group on Thursday and Mr So knows I am ill but not how generally crap I feel. I am taking Sertraline which seems to be working ok. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years on and off but it has been a lot better since I stopped drinking. I haven’t seen my GP since May as I have been well but I am wondering whether to touch base with her. Thank you for being so kind xxx

  3. Oh Tori , I get this, I really do. Life is supposed to be MUCH BETTER because you have made a massive effort and quit drinking … and yet …. somehow …. some things are still shit.
    I bet you look lovely, ask Mr So for some cuddles and support – and when you feel a bit stronger it is possible to get your kids to start pulling their weight a bit more. As you know I am on my own at home now with 3 kids and a FT job – despite my wonderful cleaner I cannot do it all and after some tears and ‘tantrums’ on my part, the kids have started to step up … but don’t tackle it when you are low. Get some hugs and a sober treat – a special one for 201 days … be as kind to yourself as you are to me… you are great, and doing great . Live Lily xx

    1. Thank you Lily. You are right. I think I might just take tomorrow to try and really rest and shift this bug. I am going on holiday on Saturday and I can’t bear to still be ill then. I am going to explain to my girls that I need more help at home. I have a wonderful cleanerso I am very lucky but I do work full time with a pretty full on stressful job. Xx

  4. I’m sure nobody thinks you look “horrible”! Lots of Self Care right now, and if that means crap eating, so be it- enjoy the new boots and hairdo! xx

  5. I’m sorry. That’s a lot of tough stuff. Would it be possible to take an afternoon off? Or any evening? Get out and go somewhere that makes you feel more you and less mom/wife/slave And more you? That sometimes seems to be the only thing that gets me out of those bad funks. The ones that seem all encompassing.

    And I hear you with the bad food. I Eat leftovers off the kids plates (which is a healthy meal) and then gorge on chips for ‘my’ dinner. It’s disgusting. I don’t know why I do it, other than 5-8pm feels so damn hard.

    Be gentle and be kind (to yourself the most) and the world will give you what you need. It always finds a way.

    If you listen to podcasts, Find one of Holly and Laura’s ( called HOME) or one off of the bubble hour that speaks to your feelings right now. That helps me.

    Sending you light and peace.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to write such kind words. I love sober podcasts especially the Bubble Hour. I will see what I can find xxx

  6. Just remember it’s okay to feel miserable. Exercise some self-care and read back through your wonderful blog. You are doing amazing! You have such a great outlook on life and it shows through your posts. Feeling down occasionally is normal and you aren’t trying to drown the feeling. Great job, Tori!

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