Don’t worry – I’m not referring to alcohol. I am still sober and generally I don’t crave a drink like I used to in the early days, weeks and months.
Sugar however is a different matter altogether.
I have huge cravings for sweet things and refined carbs – think iced bun or Bakewell tart (or both) as ideal choices if left to my own devices. I buy those things in the same way as I bought wine. I eat them too quickly just as I gulped down wine. I eat them too much – just like wine. And I tell myself I don’t really have a problem and could stop any time if I wanted, but in the same way as wine, I’m not sure that’s accurate. If fact, I know its not true.
I have had times on my sober journey when I have been able to eat more healthily and finally lost some weight. I’m at the top end of the healthy weight range with a BMI of 24.5 and that hasn’t changed but I would like to be in the middle of the range say 7-10lbs lighter. More than loosing weight though, I would like to be free of this compulsion to eat sugar and carbs and to do so to excess. I would like to regain control.
I have a nagging voice in my head telling me I am weak because I can’t control my eating. But with my sensible hat on, I know that can’t be true because I haven’t had a drink for seven months and that has been the toughest thing I have ever done. I’m not weak but as far as my eating is concerned, I could be stronger. I could apply myself more. I could grit my teeth and get through this with determination. It’s just that so far I have avoided the issue and put it on the pending pile.
So as from today I am going to address my issues with sugar and carbs. I am positing about it here because I need to be accountable. I have talked to Mr So but he doesn’t really get this in the same way as he understood my problem with drinking. When I got home from my spinning class he suggested I have some of the marzipan bar he was enjoying !! Hmmm..
When I stopped drinking, sweet treats were an integral part of my sober toolbox. Now I need another toolbox, or perhaps a section in my sober box to help me to cope with sugar cravings. I am not sure what to include. I am feeling quite low at the moment partly post holiday blues but probably also about the sugar issue which has been building up for a while. It causes a lot of guilt and frustration. I can’t understand why its so hard to control. And as I’ve said may times before, I need to be in control.
I am conscious I am rambling so I am going to stop now. If any of you wonderful people have tips and tricks to tackle sugar, please, please share below.