Last night I made it to the support group I have recently joined. As I have written here, I have been having a hard time and this, combined with the fact that it was dark and raining made me reluctant to go. But I made the effort. I’m glad I did.
There were only four of us last night including a new lady and we spent some time talking about ourselves and how we have got to where we are now. The new lady, lets call her Angela, seems very similar to me. She looks about my age, she has a demanding career and her drinking both in terms of what she drinks, how much and when, is virtually the same as me. She seemed more together than me though.
Angela stopped drinking about 5 days ago. She is finding it OK.
We were talking about how important it is to plan, especially in the early stages of sobriety. I was explaining my “sober toolbox”. We spoke about sober treats, blogs, yoga and meditation (we laughed about how I used to go to hot yoga classes, drunk !! – no wonder I wasn’t very good!). We talked about sober milestones, to count or not to count and the pros and cons of abstinence and moderation. Angela asked me if I will drink again in the future. Without having to think about it, I simply said no because I know that’s not an option for me. And as I said it, I felt comfortable.
Afterwards I worried that I might have come across as smug and a bit preachy. As if I know all the answers and if Angela listened to me she couldn’t go far wrong. I did say it has been hard and it continues to be so but also that stopping drinking is the best thing I have done and has changed my life for the better. Beyond recognition in fact.
I was thinking back to May when I wrote about a group I was at where although I was comfortable to say I would never drink again I was unable to add “and I will never change my mind” http://sothisissober.com/index.php/2016/05/25/seven-little-words
Today I am at a point where I am confident I will never change my mind. I feel as if that decision is made, it’s firmly in place and it will remain so for ever. That is a good feeling and it gives me some peace.
The therapist who runs the group told me Angela got a lot out of coming and said I did not come across as smug at all. Thinking about it, perhaps self assured is a better way of looking at it. Self-assured feels fine to me.