Like a lot of kids my daughter watches YouTube almost every day. At the moment it seems to be lots of real life stories of tragedy which eventually reach a happy ending. This morning it was the tale of a girl who fell in love with a beautiful dress she saw in a shop window but couldn’t afford it. Eventually she saved up enough to buy the dress, at which point, it had been sold. I was watching over my daughter’s shoulder as the story evolved. When it got the point where the girl went to the shop only to find the dress had gone I asked my daughter how she can bear to watch such sad stories. She said it that if I continued watching I would see that there would be a happy ending. I explained “I just can’t get through the sad bit to reach the happy ending”.
It struck me that my current feelings about sobriety are similar. I am willing to believe that there will be a happy ending but right now the “sad bit” is causing me difficulty. It seems to have been going on for so long. I think it is telling that I feel I simply cannot bear to watch the stories my daughter enjoys so much. Perhaps I have been doing a similar thing with my sobriety. Squeezing my eyes tight shut and placing my hands over my ears for good measure. I think perhaps I need to try and engage in my sobriety more. To live it more if that makes sense.
Then perhaps just as the girl in the story gets the dress, I too will have my happy ending. xx