What to write ?

The therapist I have been seeing for 10 years or so (not constantly but on and off) can’t see me any more. His practice is moving in a different direction and he isn’t seeing individuals any more. I know that this is reasonable because he can’t provide me with the support I need and of course, I am pleased his business is successful but still I feel a sense of abandonment. This is even more so because my psychiatrist won’t see me again unless I get re referred and the group I found isn’t really working out. Sometimes there are only 2 or 3 of us and there are also people who are pursuing moderation rather than abstinence and I find that triggery.

So I have had to find a new therapist. I spent several days searching on the internet, checking qualification and professional memberships and making calls. Each time I had to explain a bit about my journey so far and what I am hoping to achieve through therapy. It is draining.

But I have found someone new and I have an appointment with her this week. I am trying to look at this as a new start, a blank piece of paper upon which I can write anything I want.

10 thoughts on “What to write ?

  1. Wow, that is stressful. I definitely understand not wanting to meet with people who wish to moderate. I’m glad you have continued to look for an alternative, it’s draining but so much better than giving up! Well done xx

  2. Hi Tori

    I really get where you are at and totally admire your strength of commitment to your journey of sobriety, your message is strong and I hear your determination too.

    I am coming to the end of a 4 week stint in a private hospital followed by 12 weeks of day patient CBT/DBT. It has been an incredible year for me, triumphs and tribulations, disappointments, shocking realisations, setbacks and fear that has taken me to hell and back as I’ve finally realised that drink is the problem that undermines my recovery from what seems years of denial.

    Good luck with your new therapist and the next chapter of a wonderful life alcohol free.

    You are an inspiration

    1. Thank you Amanda. That means so much to me. Sometimes I question the point of writing so to hear that someone finds what I write helpful and can identify with me is wonderful. You sound as if you have come such a long way xx

  3. Hi Tori,

    That sounds really stressful and I completely ‘get’ that sense of abandonment. It’s the inner child isn’t it… Also, that sense of having to explain again. To tell ‘your story’.

    To maybe give you a glimmer of hope, I had a break from therapy and then started again this year with someone new. She is THE BEST therapist I have had so far (I’ve had a few) and the work we are doing is so transformative. Maybe your next therapist will be the same? Sometimes someone new to ask, coax, reflect is really useful (not to minimise the stress of settling into therapy with someone new).

    Best of luck with the next leg of your journey in sobriety…

    x Claire

    Ps. I wouldn’t be able to be in a group with people trying to moderate as I would be questioning my own decision to not drink at all. I would find it trigger too xxx

    1. Thank you. That has made me feel more positive. I am glad your therapy is going well. I am reassured that others also feel they couldn’t be in a group with moderators as I felt I was being a bit judgmental but I really think it doing me more harm than good. XX

  4. Hi Tori!
    I hope that your new person is a good fit.
    I know I had some really bad therapists, and really wonderful ones!
    The good ones are so worth the time it took to find them!!!
    Much Love,

  5. It’s hard isn’t it. The relationship with a therapist is so important, it’s vital to find someone you like / click with. I wrote a list of what I wanted .. and then saw one which didn’t feel good, and now the one I see now, which immediately felt comfortable and “containing ” – and now it’s great. If the first one doesn’t click, do try another. Good luck my sober twin xxx Lily

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