I have posted before about the spinning classes which have been an important part of my recovery. When I was drinking I didn’t exercise very much but about two months into my sober journey I decided to address this and spinning has become my thing. For anyone who doesn’t know the spinning I am talking about is not the turning fleece into wool for knitting, it’s an exercise class which you do on static bikes. The resistance on the bike is adjustable so you can simulate climbs and descents. A typical class involves sprints and climb, standing and seated, dips (which are basically push ups on a bike) and intervals. All this is set to music. Its hard but really invigorating and as you get fitter you set the resistance higher so you can really see progress.
So I have been going spinning three or four times a week since June and I love it. Bt over the past three weeks my attendance had tailed off and in the end I didn’t go for two weeks. I found all kinds of excuses not to go – I need to work late, it’s raining, it’s cold, I need to do maths homework with my daughter (really??), I’m tired, I’ll go tomorrow.
On Monday I had to bite the bullet and get back to class and boy, was it hard. I knew it would be but I had underestimated quite how much difference 14 days would make. I struggled and I was really tempted to cheat and keep the resistance low but I knew I would only be cheating myself. I went again this morning. It was hard but not quite as bad as Monday.
This got me to thinking about what it would be like if I had to go back and start at Day One of not drinking. I have read that even after one drink the addiction comes back with a vengeance, even stronger than before. I have absolutely no doubt that would be the case for me. I could never stop at one drink.
Nowadays, I don’t spend much time thinking about drinking. I don’t really have cravings and when I do they pass quickly. I have no desire to drink again and I am determined I will not do so. But sometimes I think I am becoming a bit complacent and I need to refocus. Missing those two weeks and finding how hard it has been to get back into spinning has given me some small idea of how tough it would be if I was to fall off the sober wagon. But it would be oh so much worse. I really don’t know if I would be able to get back on. If I did manage to get back on I don’t think it would be immediate. I am certain there would be weeks or months of drinking in exactly the same way as before and during that time something really bad could happen. I need to remember how this feels and keep pedalling hard.