I am not especially sociable. At least I didn’t think I was. Recently I have been questioning whether I am more of a social butterfly than I thought.
I didn’t think I had a sweet tooth- I was always much more of a savoury person. When I stopped drinking I found I have a massively sweet tooth. Wine had been my sugar fix and once it was gone I found myself eating sweets, cakes and chocolate – I didn’t know I even liked chocolate !!
Perhaps, just as I have found I have a sweet tooth (which, incidentally, I do need to address properly in the New Year), I am more sociable than I thought.
I think the reason I declined invitation after invitation – evenings out with friends, Christmas meals, team lunches etc etc was because I was worried I would drink too much and do something embarrassing. Even worse I would do something embarrassing and not remember it the next day. Over the last two years or so of drinking I routinely blacked out. I could rarely remember the end of an evening. I would tip toe around the next day trying to fool people I could remember everything whilst trying to put together the jigsaw of the night before with pieces missing and the image out of focus. I would laugh when people told me what I had said or done but inside I was mortified and ashamed.
So I avoided socialising. I have never been to a work Christmas meal. My team must think I am a miserable scrooge.
As well as social events I also avoided meeting new people, perhaps friends of friend or colleagues of Mr So. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to drink “normally” (whatever that is). From the very first time they met me they would think of me as Tori who drinks too much, or worse.
But all that’s changing. I have a couple of small gatherings in the diary and today I am meeting for the first time, a friend I have met through a Dry board I post on and through our blogs. I am so excited as well as nervous. I really feel as if I know her already. A year ago an occasion like this would have been a cue for a few glasses of wine and for me to say and do things which would make me cringe with shame the next day. Today will be different. Alcohol is no longer in the equation and I can just be me. Tori who doesn’t drink. Xx