As Christmas Eve draws to a close I have been taking some time to reflect on the day. In the past, last night would have marked the beginning of a 5 day drinking extravaganza. This morning I would have come round with a hangover and patchy memories of the night before. I would probably have made it to about 11.00am before starting with a glass or two of celebratory prosecco and continuing that way for the rest of the day.
My sleep has been a bit off this week so I didn’t wake feeling especially refreshed but at least I was hangover free with a full memory of yesterday evening. Mr So and I have had some last minute jobs to do and we have worked together to get everything done. Usually I hate wrapping presents especially writing the labels. Generally I get through the ordeal with the help of plenty of wine but this time we drank Diet Coke and Becks Blue and ran it like a slick production line and guess what, it was ok. Fun even?
At various points in the day I have found myself thinking about how different things are from last Christmas Eve. For a bit I felt sad that I can’t just have a glass or two like most people. I don’t have any desire to drink and 99.9% of the time I don’t give it a second thought. Today I didn’t fight the sadness. I allowed myself to feel it, to process my thoughts and move on.
It has been an odd kind of day. I have had quite mixed feelings. I have relished being fully present throughout rather than fuzzy and muffled. At the same time I have felt regret about all the Christmases I have wasted, the people I have upset and disappointed and the embarrassment I have caused. There is a lot to process. I might need some help from my therapist with that.
But all in all today has been a good day. This time last year I would never have believed I would make it to where I am now. I wasn’t even considering giving up drinking, yet here I am 269 days alcohol free. How did that happen ? Xx