Yesterday a grey patchy cloud descended. Out of the blue. No warning.
I have had a good Christmas. The first sober Christmas for 13 years – when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter – actually come to think of it I don’t think that was completely alcohol free. I really didn’t think about drinking at all. I enjoyed being wholly present throughout.
No drunken fuzz. No blackouts. No regrets.
But then yesterday I started feeling really, really tired but at the same time very agitated. I have loads of random thoughts whizzing through my mind which I can’t slow down or stop. I don’t like it. I have physical symptoms too – headache, low level joint pain and restless legs at night. Nothing major just niggling discomfort.
I’m not sure whether it is anti-climax now I have achieved something which I would never have believed possible – similar to when I hit 100 days and felt unbelievably flat. I wonder if it might be an episode of PAWS. Of course it could be nothing at all to do with Christmas or sobriety.
I am back at work today and I am hoping getting back into some kind of routine will help. I like to be in control and the last few days have been all topsy turvy. Eating different food at different times. No spinning classes. Mr So off work and my daughters off school. No sessions with my therapist. At least today I got up at a normal time, put on work clothes, am working my normal hours and going to the gym this evening.
Whatever it is, I know it will pass. I just have to ride it out and practice self-care.
Merry Christmas to you all. Sending strength to anyone struggling and congratulations to those celebrating a sober festive season. xxx