I have had a crappy few days. The bit between Christmas and New Year was really tough. The most overwhelming feeling was boredom. It was like when I was a kid in the 1970s and everything stopped on Sundays. Except this time I couldn’t constantly complain “I’m bored” and huff and puff and flop around. Well I did do quite a lot of sighing and banging random items around – noisily unloading the dishwasher provided some relief !
It is the closest I have come to drinking for a very long time. Not worryingly close, but it did cross my mind. More than once. I suppose all the upset the next day and beyond would have offered plenty to think about. In a perverse way it would have brought some excitement back into my life. But I knew in my heart it wasn’t worth it. Given a choice between boredom and the crippling shame of relapse, I decided being bored was bearable.
So I plodded on.
Then a couple of days ago my daughter was starting a jigsaw she was given for Christmas. We’re not really a jigsaw kind of family and Mr So in particular was unimpressed at the prospect of having a half finished 1000 piece jigsaw lying around for an indeterminate amount of time. I offered to help and before long all 4 of us were diligently piecing the puzzle together. Teamwork !
We finished it yesterday and I went and bought a replacement.
It is amazing how quickly the time passes when puzzling. Even though I think it’s a bit of a nerdy thing to do, I like it because it keeps my brain ticking over and also keeps my restless hands busy. It probably would have been quite a good thing to do as a distraction in early sobriety but at that stage I was struggling and my brain was hardly functioning. Nine months sober I have found I am quite a whizz at doing jigsaws – who’d have thought it !!