Cross Addiction

 

Yesterday my very special friend Lily posted an excellent post on her blog about cross addiction. If you haven’t already seen it you can find it here:

 

 

https://alcoholfree2016.com/2017/01/17/cross-addiction/comment-page-1/#comment-1429

Cross addiction is something which I am currently fighting. I have always had a bit of an issue with food and when I first stopped drinking, I knew that that had to be my priority and if I ate too much or ate unhealthily I wouldn’t worry too much. It was all part of the process of getting sober.

Despite what I told myself, My expectation was that I would lose weight and quickly. I would be sober and slim and all would be well. But the weight didn’t shift and at almost 300 days, remains stubbornly the same. I have noticed that my attitude to food has become unnervingly similar to the way I thought about drinking. I will eat large amounts of food, quickly, while no one is looking. I don’t get any pleasure from it and I feel guilty and ashamed afterwards. I think about food a lot. What shall I eat ? What would I like to eat? What should I eat ? Sometimes I am downright disgusted with myself. Why can’t I just be normal ?

I hate the thought of tripping from one addiction to the next for the rest of my life. If I tackle food, what will be next – pills, gambling, shopping ???

With drinking I had to get to a point where I was ready to stop. At the moment I don’t think I am in the right place to tackle my eating full on.  If I was advising a friend I would tell them to continue with self-care, speak to a therapist and be kind and gentle to themselves. I would tell them to be proud of their sobriety and I would challenge their assertion that they lack willpower.

I thought that stopping drinking would solve all my problems one and for all and life would be perfect. I know now that that was an unrealistic expectation. Life happens. Bad things happen. One thing I am sure of through is that alcohol would make everything far, far worse so I won’t be going back.

I am going to see my therapist and work through this with her. Hopefully through doing so I will emerge stronger and happier and more resilient.

X

4 thoughts on “Cross Addiction

  1. Hi Tori…I am at almost one year sober. I did not lose any weight from stopping drinking. It did cross my mind at times that maybe I didn’t drink as much as I thought I did! hahaha But, I couldn’t lose weight while drinking. In September, 7 months sober, I changed my eating habits and went on an eating plan. I dropped 15 lbs. and it felt so good. (Gained back 6 during the holiday season though so I’m back at it!). I am also in menopause, and have been for almost 12 years (result of chemo for breast cancer) so I think it is super hard to lose weight when you are at the end of peri menopause or the beginnings of menopause. Being a woman makes it hard enough to lose weight! But, all that being said, I think you should really do what is working for you to keep your sober. I got to the point where I needed my eating to change. After I stopped drinking, I went right to smoking for a few months…nipped that in the butt with help from my therapist….and then onto eating copious amounts of junk! Something in you one day will click, just like it did with the booze, and you will then change how you are eating. But, until that point, keep on doing what you are doing! It is keeping you from drinking!!! (And losing weight is so much easier than it was to quit drinking!) xo

  2. Hi Tori.
    I have been reading your posts for awhile now. I think you are amazing and that u should not be so hard on yourself. I wish I was were u are today. I’m a mum of 3 working and in my last year of a 3 year degree. It all sounds fine. But I hate myself as I need my wine every night would give anything to stop. I try every week but only last a mere 3 days. Feed up of been overweight, tired, avoiding people and feeling sad and worthless. My parents were functioning alcoholics if there is such a thing. I would love to have achieved what you have as I know how hard it must have been for you to get to that place. Be very proud of yourself and I’m sure you will lose the weight in time. You are healthy in body and mind now that you don’t drink. Well done x

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words Anne. They mean a lot to me. You sound as if you are struggling. You have a HUGE amount on your plate. If you want to email me at tori@sothisissober.com please do. I will do anything I can to support you. Hugs Tori xxx

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