Thank you to everyone who wished me luck last week. We lost but you know what ? I’m OK with that. I said before that I didn’t really care too much what the outcome was, I just wanted to get it over and done with. That was OK to say, OK in theory but I wasn’t sure how it would be in reality when we knew the outcome. Win or lose or even somewhere in between, I wasn’t sure how I would react and how the celebrations or commiserations would play out without alcohol.
In the event, Mr So and I had a bit of a moan, some minor outrage and even a bit of a joke – involving Mr So doing a replay of the hearing with voices and all !! We went home, had a nice supper, spent time as a family, a bit more moaning and joking and that was about it.
I didn’t get the best nights sleep but at least I didn’t have the horror of 3am waking with all the associated a guilt and shame and in the morning I had a clear head. Ready to face the day.
Things are generally looking up again. The house is nearly back to normal after months of disruption when all our rooms have been full of random furniture and there has been general mess and chaos all around. Over the weekend we reinstated three rooms which means I now have a sitting room where I can sit in peace and look out at the garden. This has made a big difference. Just knowing I have somewhere to go is very calming.
I have rekindled a love of bread making which I used to do a lot when my girls were small. Back then I did it because I convinced myself that making my own bread would show the world that I was a good mother. Now I no longer need the world’s approval of my mothering skills, making bread is therapeutic. It takes time and patience to make a good loaf and I am always rush,rush, rush. Breadmaking requires me to slow down, to follow a process steadily and patiently and when I have kneaded and proved and knocked back and baked (and the rest) I reap the rewards. Delicious fresh bread which everyone enjoys and all my own hard work. In a way I suppose beadmaking is similar to getting sober. A steady process with different stages and plenty of scope for mistakes along the way but at the end, an outcome which outweighs many times over, the time and effort taken.
Recently, I have also embarked on a couch to 5k challenge. For anyone who has not come across it, it is a program to get people who have never run before to being able to run 5k. It takes nine weeks over which time you increase from running for 60 seconds at a time to a total of 25 minutes non stop by the end of week 9. I am just finishing week 1 which involves 3 sessions alternating 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of fast walking for 25 minutes. It’s going well so far. To be honest I can’t really picture myself running for 25 minutes in just over two months time but this time last year I would never have believed I could go more than 2 weeks without a drink (16 days was my absolute best and that came to an end very spectacularly). Yet here I am over 9 months sober.
So I reckon I can do this 🙂 Xx