I have written several times about how my weight has stayed the same since I stopped drinking. I have been disappointed by this because I had visions of the weight just “falling off” with no effort whatsoever. Initially I did develop a sweet tooth which I indulged wholeheartedly. The only thing was I continued indulging even when my alcohol cravings and the truth be known, I developed a little bit of a sugar habit. Recently rather than staying the same, the scales have crept up – only slightly but enough. I was feeling a little like the walrus above !
So on Saturday I decided that the time has come to grasp the nettle and address my eating.
I had become concerned that I had started to eat in much the same way as I was drinking towards the end. I was eating quickly without really tasting. Eating secretly and thinking frequently about “treats” and how much I deserved them. For treats read iced buns, cakes, biscuits and crisps. And it was making me feel crap.
So from Sunday sugar and carbs have been banned. I am eating protein and vegetables and some fat. This is not a forever thing but for now I need to exclude all those foods I was turning to for comfort and release. Today is day 3 and it strikes me how similar the process is to giving up drinking. Similar, albeit it diluted somewhat. I have had cravings which have been scarily insistent. I have had to plan, plan, plan just like I did when I went alcohol free and I have had to come up with other treats like baths, walking, listening to audio books, to replace eating.
Most importantly however, I have revisited self-care. I think this had started to slip since Christmas. I had realised my eating was becoming problematic and I had posted on a board for some support but no one had replied. Today, however a private message appeared – a lovely, kind, encouraging and wise response full of really helpful ideas. The words that really stood out to me were “treat yourself as being very precious and deserving of every possible care”. So that is what I am going to focus on. I wouldn’t give my daughters wine or stuff them full of sugary fatty snacks so why do I have such different standards when it comes to caring for myself?
Today the sugar cravings have been fewer and further between. I feel I am regaining some balance and control and that feels like a huge relief.