Yesterday I had an interview for a promotion at work. It was a temporary role but I really wanted it. I wore my “She believed she could so she did” necklace. I believed I could….but I didn’t.
When I got the news I was so disappointed. The feedback was positive. I came a close second, blah, blah, blah. But in this race there are no prizes for second place.
The urge to drink was HUGE. The strongest I can remember for a very long time, probably since I first stopped drinking. I had anticipated that if I had been offered the role there would have been a temptation to drink to celebrate but I was comfortable I could deal with that. It would be mild and fleeting. I had bargained for how I would feel if I was unsuccessful. I hadn’t bargained for this.
I reached out to my friend – also in recovery. The only person who gets it. The only person I could tell how I was feeling, how much I wanted a drink without feeling ashamed and guilty. Without being judged. Without having my feelings dismissed as silly or trivial or all in my head. And she was there for me and through her I resisted those cravings and I DIDN’T DRINK.
So that’s what I am focussing on. I didn’t drink and that’s what really matters.
So even though at first I didn’t believe I could, in fact I could and what is more I did.