Still here, still sober. I haven’t posted as I have just been getting on with life. I am doing some volunteering. It’s good.
Something is bugging me. It’s just a small thing but I keep thinking about it so I am going to post it here and see what everyone thinks.
I have a cough and a cold. A couple of nights ago I simply could not stop coughing. I got up and in the dark managed to locate some cough medicine and swig some down. I stress this was all in the dark in the middle of the night.
The next morning I was about to take some more. as I picked up the bottle I saw in very small letters “contains alcohol”. I felt sick. I felt guilty and a bit stupid really. I am really vigilant about that type of thing, checking mouthwashes and cosmetics a nd food for alcohol. Although I know it’s technically not true, I kind of think of myself as being allergic to alcohol. Obviously my reaction is not as severe as someone with a nut allergy who inadvertently ingest some nuts but I still think of it in a similar way. Alcohol is not going to kill me – not immediately anyway, if I had carried on drinking it probably would have contributed significantly to an early death.
I can’t get the thought out of my head that I should go back to Day One and start counting over. I feel like a bit of cheat. I didn’t mean to do it but fact is, it happened.