Need to know ?

Tonight I am starting my counselling course. I am nervous but excited. The course description says:

The nature of this level of counselling involves a degree of self-awareness and personal development. It is important that you consider that you may not be ready for this course if you have undergone any significant life change or loss in the last 12 months.

and

As this is an introduction to the Counselling training you need to be aware that you will be expected to do a lot of use of self-reflection and this could result in highlighting things that have happened and impacted on your life. You need to think carefully before embarking on this course to ensure that it is the right course for you at this time in your life.

I feel I am in a good place, psychologically, to take the course but in the back of my mind I have some what ifs. What if I become emotional? What if I cry? What if I can’t cope? What if I’ve made a mistake and the course isn’t for me?

I am coming up to 18 months sober. Whereas before, my sobriety  frequently drowned out the sound of every other element of my life, now things are more balanced. My sobriety is part of who I am but it is no longer the only thing which defines me. I don’t really thing about drinking anymore. Days and days can go by without it really crossing my mind. My addiction has found its place and the dust has settled. Does that make sense ?

No doubt we will start by introducing ourselves and saying a little bit about why we’re doing the course and what we hope to get out of it. I don’t know whether to say from the start that I have been sober for 18 months.  My experience of  being addicted to alcohol and getting and staying, sober (a process which is ongoing and will be so for the rest of my life) is one of the things I hope I can bring to the course so it doesn’t make sense to keep it a secret but at the same time does everyone need to know ? It’s a tricky one.

Wish me luck XX

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